Disgusting
by KissMeDeadlyT-T
Summary: Ed gets jealous. Really, really jealous. Al, on the other hand, is mostly worried about the knife Ed is holding. -Rated for bad language (angry Ed, come on), stupidity, and non-explicit yaoi. PART 2 INSIDE!
1. Chapter 1

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Don't mess with Ed when he gets jealous, if you wish to keep your genitals intact.**

**I don't know. It's late and I don't want to go to sleep, and I've always wondered what would happen if Ed got really jealous one time, and flipped his shit on Roy. So I wrote this. I'm tired, so I don't actually know what to make of it... or what else to say... Besides the fact that this is RoyEd(ish?) and there is so much swearing it isn't even normal. What we have here is a pissed off Ed. **

**I don't own FMA :c**

**xxXXxxXXxx**

"Hey, Ed, isn't that the colonel?"

Ed, who was in the middle of slurping up a huge mound of ramen noodles, paused. He looked up at his brother, who was looking somewhere behind Ed, glowing red eyes a bit wider than usual. Ed bit the mouthful of noodles he had, causing the severed bits to fall back into the soup, and swallowed what was in his mouth before following Al's gaze.

A few tables behind them was in fact Roy Mustang, with a _ridiculous_ grin on his face as he chatted and laughed with some... some overly-giggly, flirty, blond, big-boobed, toothy smiled, pounds of makeup wearing girl who Ed immediately dubbed as "Bimbo" when he heard her nasally laugh. Somewhere in his mind he supposed she was pretty, and that her laugh wasn't actually that bad, but for some reason, a bigger part of him just felt angry and wanted to punch her in her foundation-covered face.

Scowling, Ed turned back around and glared at him bowl. "Yeah," he said, suddenly not hungry anymore.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"You look mad."

Ed's shoulders shot up to his ears and he grit his teeth in irritation when he heard the girl giggle, "Oh, Roy, you're so _funny_!"

"_Oh, Roy, you're so funny_!" he imitated in an annoying falsetto, rolling his eyes. "The only thing funny about that bastard is his face. And his smell."

"If I didn't know better I would say you're jealous."

"Why the hell would I be jealous?" Ed snapped, folding his arms and sliding low in his seat. "It's just annoying. Fuck, he's such a goddamn whore. And that girl, she's annoying. She doesn't deserve someone like him." Then he realized what he said and growled. "Just because he's a colonel, I mean. She's some random easy looking _tramp_ and he's a fucking _colonel._ Why the fuck would he even be interested? It's probably because she has fucking mountains on her chest, isn't it."

Al seemed sort of alarmed. "Ed... put that knife down."

Ed looked at the knife he had in his right fist with something like surprised. He dropped it and started muttering again. "Probably has a million STD's. Goddamn bastard sleeps around so much, I'd be surprised if he still even has a dick or if all that fucking caused it to shrivel up and die. Not that I care, hah, that's his fucking problem for being such a whore. Yeah. A different girl every week, fuck, he's so disgusting, don't they see how much of a player he is?" By now he was fiddling with the knife again, occasionally glancing over at where the girl playfully swatted Mustang's shoulder. Al didn't dare say a word. "Tch, would you look at that? Freakin' gross. The only reason she's talking to him is because he's so hot. Everyone knows he's a womanizer. If he didn't look so fucking perfect nobody would want him." He didn't really seem to realize what he was saying, and trailed off into dark mutterings about Mustang's general assholiness and how that girl should get away from him if she knew what was good for her.

Al made a sound like he was clearing his throat. "Uhm, brother... Maybe we should leave."

Ed did not listen and instead continued grumbling into his collar, left hand playing with the knife and right hand making a tight fist on the table.

"Brother."

No answer.

"Ed."

No answer.

Al finally lost his patience and reached across the table and grabbed the knife, slamming it down. "_Edward._ We're leaving _now_."

"What?" Ed asked blankly as though he'd just been pulled out of a trance. "Why? I'm not done my noodles, and—"

"There are no words to express how much I do not _care_ about your freaking noodles. What I do care about is the lives of everyone in this restaurant. Come on." Al stood up with a loud clanking sound and grabbed Ed's arm, tossing an appropriate amount of Cenz onto the white table cloth before forcefully dragging his brother towards the exit and away from the many perfectly stabbable people sitting around them. Ed struggled and protested, but was eventually dragged out of the restaurant. Just as the door was closing, he heard the girl bubble something about Roy's attractiveness or something equally _bullshit_. That was it.

Tearing out of Al's iron grip, Ed absolutely _fumed_ as he stomped back into the restaurant. He ignored all the stares he was getting and the employees yelling at him and stormed all the way back to where Bastard and that _girl_ were sitting. Roy barely had the chance to look over at him and stutter out, "Fullmetal, what—" before Ed grabbed him by the collar of his crisp goddamn baby blue shirt that _did not make the blue in his dark eyes stand out at all_ and kissed him full on the mouth.

The restaurant turned silent, Roy's eyes widened, the girl gasped, and Ed just growled. Somewhere in the background, Al groaned, "Ed!" and ran off, clearly traumatized, but Ed didn't care right now. What he cared about was how fucking good Roy _did not smell_ and how soft his lips _were not_ and how dizzy the stupid kiss made him feel. When he finally pulled away, he glared and spat, "You are disgusting."

Roy was clearly shocked, his mouth open and gaping as he tried to find words. Bimbo's hands covered her mouth, and in a high-pitched voice that sort of kind of really made Ed want to rip her larynx out, whispered, "What is this, Roy?"

"I... uh... I don't know..."

"Why didn't you just say you were in a relationship? I would never have—flirted with you, if I knew—"

"I... wasn't actually aware that I was in a relationship."

Ed glowered. "Damn right you are. And you better remember that, you bastard."

Bimbo looked close to fainting in embarrassment and ran off, leaving a still rather shocked Roy with a pissed Ed. After a moment, Roy demanded, "What the hell was that, Elric?"

"That was you stopping your nasty ass ways of sleeping around and flirting with girls because now you're in a relationship with _me_. Got that?"

"I... what? You can't order me around, I'm your superior—"

"Fine. Hey, bastard, we're in a relationship now." He looked up at Roy with a glare and said, "Is that okay, _sir_?"

Roy's jaw dropped when Ed stood up and walked away, leaving no room for debate. He watched with wide eyes (and so did the rest of the restaurant) as Ed left the restaurant as if none of that had just happened. As soon as he was out of sight, all eyes turned on the stranded colonel. He wasn't sure what to do.

Damn brat. Who the hell did he think he was, coming in with some fucking hot kiss and scaring off his potential date and leaving Roy feeling sort of horny and _being underage goddamnit Roy stop thinking like that_ and then walking away before Roy even had a chance to properly register that he had in fact just been kissed by Fullmetal, damnit?

He was going to murder Edward in the most gruesome way possible.

Or, perhaps, tie him to a nearby surface and fuck his brains out, because _damn_ if that wasn't an appropriate punishment for such an inappropriate action.

"Fucking kid," he grumbled, reaching into his pocket and throwing some money onto the table before grabbing his coat and running out of the restaurant. He could see the familiar red coat in the distance. "Edward!" he yelled.

When Ed just turned around, glared, and flipped him off, Roy cursed under his breath.

Yeah, that settled it. One way or another, Ed was going to scream.

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Dafuq did I just create. O.o **

**I don't know, man, I thought it was pretty funny, albeit short. I'm tired, though, so maybe I'm just stupid. XD Either way, I enjoy overly jealous Ed, he is fabulous.**

**Thoughts? D; I am aware, it is probably ridiculous. Ed is such a bitch :D **


	2. Chapter 2: Mustang's revenge

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Guess who finally made the sequel she has been promising for two months(ish)? That's right, meeeeeeee!**

**Mustang's gonna get himself some revenge. **

**xxXXxxXXxx**

Roy Mustang had a plan.

It wasn't any ordinary plan— oh, no. This was a plan jam-packed with payback and a nice side serving of _suck on it Fullmetal you're about to get back what you gave me ten-fold._ And he was going to execute it wonderfully. The expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold' was about to get kicked in the ass because he was going to make this revenge _hot_.

It had been a couple weeks— two or three, he wasn't fussy— since Fullmetal had stormed in on his date with that random girl (who, he remembered, _had_ been rather annoying so he couldn't _really_ blame Ed and kind of thanked him for getting out of the date without being rude, but anyway) and kissed him full on the mouth in the middle of a crowded café as if it were a perfectly normal and appropriate thing to do. It was also a couple of weeks since Mustang had chased him down the streets, cursing colorful language he really only ever used around Ed anyway as Ed screamed profanities right back at him. It had somehow ended with the colonel dragging Edward to his house and pinning him against the wall and fucking his brains out because why not, right? Initially, his plan had been to just berate and scold the younger alchemist for acting so inappropriately in public, and maybe to tease him a bit about his evident crush on the older colonel, but hell. Roy wasn't complaining. Ed started it anyway.

Right, his plan. It was quite brilliant, if he did say so himself, and he couldn't wait to see how it would play out. He wasn't mad at Ed, not really— he just wanted to completely and totally shock and fluster Fullmetal as bad as Fullmetal had shocked and flustered _him_. A wide grin split across his face as he finished the loop of the final 'g' in his last name on the final piece of paperwork for the day.

He piled the papers on the far side of his desk and tossed his pen aside, pushing the heavy leather chair away from his desk. Hawkeye was out right now, he knew, but she would come back eventually and do whatever it was she did with all his paperwork. Give it to the higher-ups, burn it, turn it into confetti to amuse Havoc… Roy didn't really care at this point. Paperwork sucked.

He grabbed his black military-issued coat and left his office, not surprised to see his staff slacking off outside. After a brief stare-down of _oh my fuck what are you guys even doing get your asses in gear and work_, in which Breda actually started choking on his sandwich, they were working again, and he left the room.

It was chilly outside, but the inn where the Elrics were staying was close-by, so he didn't bother going to find his car. It would only take a few minutes to get there. Another grin curved his lips and he was sure he saw a random guy quickly change directions when he passed, but he didn't really care. He couldn't wait to make Ed blush and sputter and quite possibly fall over in embarrassment.

Despite his bold move in the café— grabbing Mustang and kissing him dead on the lips— Ed was actually extremely shy when it came to displays of affection. It had taken Roy at least a week to actually get Ed to even look at him properly again after the whole affair in the front hallway of his house, but the blond still got all awkward when they were together with others around. Actually, he was awkward even when they were alone. Roy liked it, though. It was… cute.

Ed was the complete opposite of an exhibitionist, and Roy happened to have overheard that their automail engineer and close friend Winry was staying with them for a few days, to fix Ed's arm. His plan had all fallen into place when Ed had first mentioned it to him a couple days ago, along with a threat that he couldn't be held responsible for his actions if Roy tried anything _funny_ while Winry was there. The girl, as it turned out, was rather… well, according to Edward, she was "a damn voyeuristic pervert prone to throwing wrenches at peoples' heads 'cause she wants us to all be as fucked up mentally as she is." As nervous as Ed was about the whole ordeal, Roy was going to take advantage of it.

By now, he was standing in front of the door to the Elrics' room. He raised a hand to knock and waited, trying to keep the slight smirk off his face. He heard a patter of footsteps approach, then a muffled _"It's the colonel!"_

"_What? Mustang?" _

"_Yeah— do you want me to get it, or—"_

"_I got it, Al."_

Barely a second later, another set of footsteps (these ones uneven and easily recognizable as Ed's mismatched feet) approached and then the door was yanked open.

Ed looked up at him with wide eyes, panic evident on his face. "What are you doing?" he demanded in a whisper. His hair was down, Roy noticed, smirking a bit. Ed looked increasingly nervous, trying to worm out of the room and shut the door behind him. Roy's hand shot out, stopping the door from closing completely, and he smiled lightly.

"Not going to invite me in? I see how it is."

Ed glared at him, shrinking back against the door and apparently feeling nervous at the colonel towering over him. "I _told_ you, Winry's here and Al's sitting right there and—"

"And?"

"And— and— what do you _mean_, 'and'? Damn it, Mustang, this isn't—"

"I'm disappointed that you think so lowly of me, Fullmetal," Roy said, smirking just the slightest bit. Ed flushed. "Why do you assume I'm here for something like _that_?"

"Because I_ know_ you," Ed hissed, one hand coming up to thwack (rather ineffectively) at Roy's chest. "I _told_ you I'd come over later, can't you fuck off for a bit? I just _saw_ you like three hours ago!"

"Or maybe you're just the perverted one, always thinking about sex." Roy raised an eyebrow, ignoring Ed's mini-rant. "I'm just here to say hello."

Ed blanched, then turned a dark shade of red. "What? No— you bastard! You're the one who—"

"You kissed me first, so don't try and say that _I_ started this."

"Y-you— you _fucked_ me!" Ed sputtered.

"And you begged for it."

Ed gaped for a moment. He finally collected himself and breathed, "It's still your fault."

"You kissed me first," Roy reminded him again.

"Ugh! Are we going to argue about this _again_?"

"It seems like we are."

Ed was opening his mouth to argue something else when the door was yanked back open. Winry stood there, blue eyes curious. She didn't ask anything, though, and after a moment of staring, seemed to remember she had a purpose.

"Hey, uh… sorry if I'm interrupting something, I just need Ed back for a moment…"

"Winry!" Ed blurted, defying logic and turning even redder.

She raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"I, oh, um— the c-colonel, just—"

"You're not interrupting anything," Roy cut in smoothly before Ed could babble their ears off. He smiled, feeling a sort of satisfaction when both Winry and Ed flushed. "I just came to say hello and check and see how Fullmetal's doing… I heard that last fight was pretty nasty." He looked down at Ed. "Shouldn't you be in the hospital?"

"No," Ed snarled. "But _you_ will be if you don't leave."

"Ed," Winry said reproachfully, grimacing. "Do you have to be such a brat _all_ the time?"

"Don't fucking call me a brat, I'm _not_ a brat—"

"Anyway, Fullmetal, can I expect you at work tomorrow?"

Ed kept on glaring. "I'll be there."

"Good." The colonel turned around. "I'll see you then."

Ed looked relieved, then, that Roy hadn't come for any funny business after all and that he wasn't going to have to deal with Winry screeching and dying and being a voyeuristic freak about anything. "Right," he said, letting out a long breath. He and Winry started to walk back into the room, when Mustang turned back like he'd forgotten something.

"Hold on, Fullmetal."

Ed looked startled. "What?"

Before Ed could react (or possibly run away screeching or punch him in the face), Roy swooped down to Ed's level and planted a soft kiss on Ed's lips, fighting the urge to grin when the blond jumped and squeaked. His face warmed and he tried to back away but ended up hitting the wall, gasping sharply, which Roy took full advantage of; just for a short moment, he slid his tongue along Ed's, swallowing the choked moan Ed released into his mouth. Ed's hands came up to shove at his arms, but ended up gripping them tightly when Roy did that _thing_ with his tongue that made him weak in the knees. He let out another breathless groan when Mustang pulled away, grinning slightly.

Then, Ed started choking on his spit. "What the _fuck_?"

Winry was gaping, her eyes wide. Mustang just offered a polite smile and murmured, "I'll see you tomorrow, Elric," before turning and walking away as if none of that had happened.

He rounded the corner that led to the stairs and waited, out of sight from Edward and Winry but not out of earshot. He heard Ed let out a short sound of disbelief, and then a little hysteric laugh, and couldn't help grin widely.

"Edward…" Winry sounded stunned. "What just happened?"

"I-I— th-that… you see…"

"Well?"

"I… there's this _thing_…"

"Oh my _God_," she screeched, a high pitched squealing sound echoing down the hallway. "_Ed_! The _colonel_? _Roy Mustang_?"

"Y-yeah, uh, I just remembered I have to go—"

"Oh no you don't. You have to tell me _everything_. As in how this even came to _be_. And how far you've gone with him. Oh my god, did you have _sex_?"

"What!" Ed squawked. "That's— that's none of your business!"

"You _did_!" Winry gasped. "_Ed_! Oh my god oh my god! Tell meee!" Roy could easily imagine a million exclamation points at the end of her sentence. Winry sounded absolutely evil. Ed made a panicked sound, and Roy peeked around the corner. Winry was grinning devilishly and Ed looked like he wanted to die of awkwardness, trying to tug away from the firm grip Winry had on his flesh arm. Roy couldn't help but snicker.

Immediately, Ed's eyes flicked up. It was silent for a moment as flaming gold bore into laughing obsidian, and then an expression of pure humiliated rage took over Ed's bright red face. Roy decided that it would be a good idea to run now.

"You fucking bastard!" Ed screeched, bolting down the hallway after him. "I'm gonna kill you!"

Roy laughed again, throwing a smug grin back. "If you can catch me with those _short_ legs."

Ed let out another screech. "You're fucking _dead_, Mustang!"

Yes, Roy thought as he fled from the gold tornado of death, revenge was better served hot.

**xxXXxxXXxx**

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Hehehehe… **

**Please review ;) I hope this sequel lived up to peoples' expectations! If not, that sucks. **


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